10.26.2004
I have wanted so much...
All my life I have dreamed of a
true, unconquerable, unconditional love
where two souls become one.
Is that love just a myth? Or does it truly exist?
And if it exists, then why is it so elusive?
I feel separate, disillusioned and all alone.
Be patient, I tell myself.
Let go of expectations.
Let go of fear.
Love without reserve. Embrace hope. Have faith.
Then maybe, just maybe,
I'll witness the miracle and the birth
Of true, unconquerable, unconditional love.
Grant me love, hope and faith.
All my life I have dreamed of a
true, unconquerable, unconditional love
where two souls become one.
Is that love just a myth? Or does it truly exist?
And if it exists, then why is it so elusive?
I feel separate, disillusioned and all alone.
Be patient, I tell myself.
Let go of expectations.
Let go of fear.
Love without reserve. Embrace hope. Have faith.
Then maybe, just maybe,
I'll witness the miracle and the birth
Of true, unconquerable, unconditional love.
Grant me love, hope and faith.
10.25.2004
PEACE
I found this recently and loved it. It sounds so simple, and yet in reality it is so difficult...
The Symptoms of Inner Peace
* tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experience
* loss of interest in judging other people
* loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
* loss of interest in conflict
* overwhelming episodes of appreciation
* contented feelings of connectedness with others
* increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen
* less worrying
I want inner peace. I want peace in the world. When I see the news, I get so angry, my inner peace flees. We have the resources and capabilities to do away with most everything that is wrong with the world, but instead, we create more conflicts and more problems because of a few men's desire for power and wealth. I want our country to wake up and realize what is happening. These men are draining our country's wealth. Destroying our environment. Making it difficult for us as citizens to hold our heads up in this world. Americans are more hated than ever before. The arrogance and stupidity of a few men have isolated all of us from the rest of the world. If we banded together, we could effect change. There is power in numbers. But so many are sleeping, or are so blinded by ego that they refuse to see reality.
It takes the hands of only a few to destroy the world. It will take the hands of many to heal it.
I found this recently and loved it. It sounds so simple, and yet in reality it is so difficult...
The Symptoms of Inner Peace
* tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experience
* loss of interest in judging other people
* loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
* loss of interest in conflict
* overwhelming episodes of appreciation
* contented feelings of connectedness with others
* increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen
* less worrying
I want inner peace. I want peace in the world. When I see the news, I get so angry, my inner peace flees. We have the resources and capabilities to do away with most everything that is wrong with the world, but instead, we create more conflicts and more problems because of a few men's desire for power and wealth. I want our country to wake up and realize what is happening. These men are draining our country's wealth. Destroying our environment. Making it difficult for us as citizens to hold our heads up in this world. Americans are more hated than ever before. The arrogance and stupidity of a few men have isolated all of us from the rest of the world. If we banded together, we could effect change. There is power in numbers. But so many are sleeping, or are so blinded by ego that they refuse to see reality.
It takes the hands of only a few to destroy the world. It will take the hands of many to heal it.
10.22.2004
CREATIVE PUMPKINS!
In honor of the upcoming holiday, I wanted to share these original and I must say, quite creative takes on the traditional Halloween pumpkin.
Halloween Flasher!
Pumpkins Who Drink Too Much!
'Nuf said...
In honor of the upcoming holiday, I wanted to share these original and I must say, quite creative takes on the traditional Halloween pumpkin.
Halloween Flasher!
Pumpkins Who Drink Too Much!
'Nuf said...
I found this on a very interesting blog, and thought it was hysterical. (Thanks to Carrie Jeffries) Apparently your starbucks drink of choice provides insight into your personality type. My usual drink of choice? The soy latte; venti, of course.
The Oracle of Starbucks:
Behold the Oracle's wisdom:
Personality type: Hippie (Gee, this hippie theme seems to be a recurring concept. Maybe there's something to it?!)
In addition to being a hippie, you are a hypochondriac health nut. You secretly think that your insistence on only consuming all-natural products is because you're so intelligent and well-informed; it's actually because you're a sucker. You've dabbled in Wicca or other pseudo-religions that attract morons and have changed your sexual orientation a few times this year. You probably live in California. Everyone who drinks soy lattes should be forced to eat a McDonald's bacon cheeseburger.
Also drinks: Beverages with lots of marketing that says they're herbal and organic
Can also be found at: Whole Foods, indoor rock climbing facilities
Okay, so I may have a thing for all-natural products, but I have NOT changed my sexual orientation, or dabbled in Wicca. Buddhism, hinduism and few other isms, but never Wicca. At least not yet. And yes, I do live in California, and I do like Whole Foods! (Who doesn't?) But so far I have never hung out at an indoor rock climbing facility, but hey, I'm up for it, if there's any takers? However, no one, and I do mean no one, will ever force me to eat a McDonald's bacon cheeseburger!
What's your Starbucks drink? What will the Oracle of Starbucks say about you? Check it out.
The Oracle of Starbucks:
Behold the Oracle's wisdom:
Personality type: Hippie (Gee, this hippie theme seems to be a recurring concept. Maybe there's something to it?!)
In addition to being a hippie, you are a hypochondriac health nut. You secretly think that your insistence on only consuming all-natural products is because you're so intelligent and well-informed; it's actually because you're a sucker. You've dabbled in Wicca or other pseudo-religions that attract morons and have changed your sexual orientation a few times this year. You probably live in California. Everyone who drinks soy lattes should be forced to eat a McDonald's bacon cheeseburger.
Also drinks: Beverages with lots of marketing that says they're herbal and organic
Can also be found at: Whole Foods, indoor rock climbing facilities
Okay, so I may have a thing for all-natural products, but I have NOT changed my sexual orientation, or dabbled in Wicca. Buddhism, hinduism and few other isms, but never Wicca. At least not yet. And yes, I do live in California, and I do like Whole Foods! (Who doesn't?) But so far I have never hung out at an indoor rock climbing facility, but hey, I'm up for it, if there's any takers? However, no one, and I do mean no one, will ever force me to eat a McDonald's bacon cheeseburger!
What's your Starbucks drink? What will the Oracle of Starbucks say about you? Check it out.
10.20.2004
I'm as transparent as the caribbean on a windless day. My heart is fixed permanently on my sleeve.
Yet in my egomaniacal desire to know the depths of the ocean of love in his heart, I have pushed him away, only to realize the depths of my own love, which is as immeasurable as the depths of my own idiocy. Being without him is like being without air. I can't breathe. If his love is water, then I'm dying of thirst. Even one drop is better than the dry barren wasteland that my heart has become in his absence.
He is just a man. How can this one man have such power over my heart... such impact on my whole being? That is a question I have been asking myself since the day of our first date. I try to play it cool - keep my distance. But I can't make it through a day without calling him. I'm like a junkie in need of a fix. Just the sound of his voice gives me some relief. I wrote in this very blog that "I will never settle for a relationship that doesn't stir both the passions in the deepest part of my soul, and equally important, the passions of the one I love. A one-sided passionate relationship is guaranteed heartache and misery!" Oh what a hypocrite have I become! But forgive my hypocrisy please, and bring on the heartache and misery, because though I may fail to stir the passions of the one I love, I choose to be with him rather than to be without him.
Yet in my egomaniacal desire to know the depths of the ocean of love in his heart, I have pushed him away, only to realize the depths of my own love, which is as immeasurable as the depths of my own idiocy. Being without him is like being without air. I can't breathe. If his love is water, then I'm dying of thirst. Even one drop is better than the dry barren wasteland that my heart has become in his absence.
He is just a man. How can this one man have such power over my heart... such impact on my whole being? That is a question I have been asking myself since the day of our first date. I try to play it cool - keep my distance. But I can't make it through a day without calling him. I'm like a junkie in need of a fix. Just the sound of his voice gives me some relief. I wrote in this very blog that "I will never settle for a relationship that doesn't stir both the passions in the deepest part of my soul, and equally important, the passions of the one I love. A one-sided passionate relationship is guaranteed heartache and misery!" Oh what a hypocrite have I become! But forgive my hypocrisy please, and bring on the heartache and misery, because though I may fail to stir the passions of the one I love, I choose to be with him rather than to be without him.
10.19.2004
Tests, tests, tests...
Okay, so I went a little bonkers on this. It's fun! All these personality, career, I.Q., romance tests and my favorite, the inkblot test. Check it out!
Personality Test "The Ultimate Personality Test"
Skydiver
You're open minded, extroverted, free-spirited, and independent. Chances are you're pretty liberal. You're like a magnet for love and affection. People adore you. And, thanks to that healthy dose of self-confidence, you're super-flexible.
Chances are, you're a great leader at work. You're also a self-starter and will always volunteer to take on a job. You're also an excellent communicator and tend to spread your enthusiasm to others.
Skydiver? I've always wanted to try that, but in the nude? I don't know...
Career Test "Right Job, Wrong Job"
Creative and Analytical
You're a visionary in many people's eyes — able to think outside of the box to come up with your own solutions. You're creative not necessarily in the artistic sense, but because you can expand your mind to do things differently from others.
It might take a while for colleagues to recognize and reward for your entrepreneurial spirit and abilities. That could be because they envy you, or because they find your ideas slightly rebellious — willing to go against the current.
All in all, you make it hard for people to pigeon hole you. That is why you, more than others, need a job that allows you to play to your strengths, break out of the mold, and truly excel.
Love Personality Test
Love Personality Type is ENTJ
About 3-5% of the U.S. population possesses the combination of traits that make up this personality type.
People of your type are known for possessing a generous spirit which allows them to be happy for others' successes as well as their own. This trait can make you a very supportive partner.
Being an ENTJ means that you've got a bit of a rebellious streak in you. So rather than being the kind who follows, you'll usually choose to lead the pack. You also appear to love a challenge more than most others do. So if somebody wants something done, all they have to do is tell you that it's impossible. You're apt to show them then and there how you can make it happen. You're not one to be easily discouraged in any aspect of your life. So if someone catches your eye, you'll likely find a way to get to know them come hell or high water. You're not just a dreamer. You're a doer.
In relationships, you usually have a clear sense of where you want things to lead. You also know how to take charge of a situation to help things go your way. You can exude a personal strength and confidence that really wins people over. Your friendly, outgoing nature also makes most people quite happy to follow your lead. Perhaps they're empowered or inspired by your self-esteem and can-do thinking.
Classic IQ Test IQ 131
Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind.
What Color Is Your Aura?
We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Gold vibe. You couldn't ask for a better color — a glistening gold aura is as good as it gets. A lively blend of yellow and orange, gold people are happy, playful, energetic, sensitive, and generous. Always up for adventure, you'd give a friend in need the shirt off your back. You're spiritual, too — all those halos in old paintings aren't colored gold by coincidence. Almost childlike in the carefree, joyful way you live your life, you're popular and outgoing with your large circle of friends. Chances are you're so full of light and energy that you sometimes find it hard to sit still and chill out. Instead, you're constantly looking for excitement, no matter how risky or impulsive the occasion. Happy-go-lucky and always laughing, you truly are as good as gold.
Just call me Saint Erica of the Golden Aura! HA! HA!
What Type Are You?
You are a Hippie Chick
The '60s are over, but their legacy of peace and love lives on in you, a genuine, granola-loving Hippie Chick. A fan of flowing skirts, Birkenstocks, and all-natural organic foods, you probably wear your hair long and loose so you can always go with the flow. The rhythm of your life is definitely laid-back and groovy. Genuine and unpretentious, you're a free spirit with a big heart. A Dharma looking for her Greg, after winning your guy's heart, you'll take him on a pilgrimage to Woodstock and make him wear flowers in his hair. And he'll love every minute of it. All in all, you've got just the right mix of idealism and social conscience to keep any guy trippin' over you, right into your arms.
So what if I'm a vegetarian, and I prefer organic produce, and fair trade organic coffee? I DO NOT wear long flowing skirts and birkenstocks! And I only occasionally wear flowers in my hair. Yeah, so I own three peace rings, sign all the petitions, and march for peace. That doesn't make me a hippie chick, right?
And here's my favorite; The Inkblot Test; Your subconscious Mind
Peace (Now there's a surprise!)
You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.
You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment.
Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.
Okay, so I went a little bonkers on this. It's fun! All these personality, career, I.Q., romance tests and my favorite, the inkblot test. Check it out!
Personality Test "The Ultimate Personality Test"
Skydiver
You're open minded, extroverted, free-spirited, and independent. Chances are you're pretty liberal. You're like a magnet for love and affection. People adore you. And, thanks to that healthy dose of self-confidence, you're super-flexible.
Chances are, you're a great leader at work. You're also a self-starter and will always volunteer to take on a job. You're also an excellent communicator and tend to spread your enthusiasm to others.
Skydiver? I've always wanted to try that, but in the nude? I don't know...
Career Test "Right Job, Wrong Job"
Creative and Analytical
You're a visionary in many people's eyes — able to think outside of the box to come up with your own solutions. You're creative not necessarily in the artistic sense, but because you can expand your mind to do things differently from others.
It might take a while for colleagues to recognize and reward for your entrepreneurial spirit and abilities. That could be because they envy you, or because they find your ideas slightly rebellious — willing to go against the current.
All in all, you make it hard for people to pigeon hole you. That is why you, more than others, need a job that allows you to play to your strengths, break out of the mold, and truly excel.
Love Personality Test
Love Personality Type is ENTJ
About 3-5% of the U.S. population possesses the combination of traits that make up this personality type.
People of your type are known for possessing a generous spirit which allows them to be happy for others' successes as well as their own. This trait can make you a very supportive partner.
Being an ENTJ means that you've got a bit of a rebellious streak in you. So rather than being the kind who follows, you'll usually choose to lead the pack. You also appear to love a challenge more than most others do. So if somebody wants something done, all they have to do is tell you that it's impossible. You're apt to show them then and there how you can make it happen. You're not one to be easily discouraged in any aspect of your life. So if someone catches your eye, you'll likely find a way to get to know them come hell or high water. You're not just a dreamer. You're a doer.
In relationships, you usually have a clear sense of where you want things to lead. You also know how to take charge of a situation to help things go your way. You can exude a personal strength and confidence that really wins people over. Your friendly, outgoing nature also makes most people quite happy to follow your lead. Perhaps they're empowered or inspired by your self-esteem and can-do thinking.
Classic IQ Test IQ 131
Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind.
What Color Is Your Aura?
We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Gold vibe. You couldn't ask for a better color — a glistening gold aura is as good as it gets. A lively blend of yellow and orange, gold people are happy, playful, energetic, sensitive, and generous. Always up for adventure, you'd give a friend in need the shirt off your back. You're spiritual, too — all those halos in old paintings aren't colored gold by coincidence. Almost childlike in the carefree, joyful way you live your life, you're popular and outgoing with your large circle of friends. Chances are you're so full of light and energy that you sometimes find it hard to sit still and chill out. Instead, you're constantly looking for excitement, no matter how risky or impulsive the occasion. Happy-go-lucky and always laughing, you truly are as good as gold.
Just call me Saint Erica of the Golden Aura! HA! HA!
What Type Are You?
You are a Hippie Chick
The '60s are over, but their legacy of peace and love lives on in you, a genuine, granola-loving Hippie Chick. A fan of flowing skirts, Birkenstocks, and all-natural organic foods, you probably wear your hair long and loose so you can always go with the flow. The rhythm of your life is definitely laid-back and groovy. Genuine and unpretentious, you're a free spirit with a big heart. A Dharma looking for her Greg, after winning your guy's heart, you'll take him on a pilgrimage to Woodstock and make him wear flowers in his hair. And he'll love every minute of it. All in all, you've got just the right mix of idealism and social conscience to keep any guy trippin' over you, right into your arms.
So what if I'm a vegetarian, and I prefer organic produce, and fair trade organic coffee? I DO NOT wear long flowing skirts and birkenstocks! And I only occasionally wear flowers in my hair. Yeah, so I own three peace rings, sign all the petitions, and march for peace. That doesn't make me a hippie chick, right?
And here's my favorite; The Inkblot Test; Your subconscious Mind
Peace (Now there's a surprise!)
You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.
You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment.
Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.
10.15.2004
I believe...
that we are capable of much more than we realize...
in a greater power that exists in the universe that
we are both surrounded by and a part of...
that we are the creators of our own lives...
that every choice that we make in every moment
of every day makes a difference in the outcome of our lives...
in the synchronicity of life and the universe...
that happiness is a choice we have to make everyday...
but most of all, I believe in the power of love...
anything is possible, when two souls abandon fear
and embrace love with all of their heart...
The Privileged Lovers
the moon has become a dancer
at this festival of love
this dance of light
this sacred blessing
this divine love
beckons us
to a word beyond
only lovers can see
with their eyes of fiery passion
they are the chosen ones
who have surrendered
once they were particles of light
now they are the radiant sun
they have left behind
the world of deceitful games
they are the privileged lovers
who create a new world
with their eyes of fiery passion
~Rumi
that we are capable of much more than we realize...
in a greater power that exists in the universe that
we are both surrounded by and a part of...
that we are the creators of our own lives...
that every choice that we make in every moment
of every day makes a difference in the outcome of our lives...
in the synchronicity of life and the universe...
that happiness is a choice we have to make everyday...
but most of all, I believe in the power of love...
anything is possible, when two souls abandon fear
and embrace love with all of their heart...
The Privileged Lovers
the moon has become a dancer
at this festival of love
this dance of light
this sacred blessing
this divine love
beckons us
to a word beyond
only lovers can see
with their eyes of fiery passion
they are the chosen ones
who have surrendered
once they were particles of light
now they are the radiant sun
they have left behind
the world of deceitful games
they are the privileged lovers
who create a new world
with their eyes of fiery passion
~Rumi
The Simple Things
Sometimes it's the simple, impulsive moments that make life memorable. Like taking the time for a walk along the beach in an otherwise busy day. Or like the other night, when me and Mark wanted to see a movie, and we read up on all the movies currently in the theater. Nothing was appealing. So we did the logical thing; we went to Amoeba Music, bought a Buster Keaton double feature for five bucks, then we bought a bottle of very good, but very inexpensive Australian wine (Black Swan Shiraz only $5.99). We spent the night watching Buster Keaton, drinking wine and laughing our asses off. Buster Keaton and good wine; great combination. More fun than we could ever have had at the movies! Those are the moments that you never forget.
Oh and something funny... I did a voiceover for the Beverly Hills Surgical Institute. Kind of odd, really. I never thought my voice would represent a company that does plastic surgery, but oh well.... check it out, it's a hoot.
Sometimes it's the simple, impulsive moments that make life memorable. Like taking the time for a walk along the beach in an otherwise busy day. Or like the other night, when me and Mark wanted to see a movie, and we read up on all the movies currently in the theater. Nothing was appealing. So we did the logical thing; we went to Amoeba Music, bought a Buster Keaton double feature for five bucks, then we bought a bottle of very good, but very inexpensive Australian wine (Black Swan Shiraz only $5.99). We spent the night watching Buster Keaton, drinking wine and laughing our asses off. Buster Keaton and good wine; great combination. More fun than we could ever have had at the movies! Those are the moments that you never forget.
Oh and something funny... I did a voiceover for the Beverly Hills Surgical Institute. Kind of odd, really. I never thought my voice would represent a company that does plastic surgery, but oh well.... check it out, it's a hoot.
10.11.2004
Why is it that men only want what they can't have? Am I missing something here? When a woman gives her heart and soul unconditionally to a man, without games or bullshit, is that somehow unappealing, or just not challenging enough?
It's the neanderthal hunter instinct - if the game is too easy, it's not appreciated. If the hunter has to work hard for his prey, then it's valued much more highly. It would appear that we haven't evolved all that much after all...
Just what I want to be - neanderthal prey.
It's the neanderthal hunter instinct - if the game is too easy, it's not appreciated. If the hunter has to work hard for his prey, then it's valued much more highly. It would appear that we haven't evolved all that much after all...
Just what I want to be - neanderthal prey.
Here are the photos from New York! We went to this crazy Bulgarian bar that you would never know about if someone didn't tell you. There's just a door with something like "Bulgarian Social Club" on the front, and they play this great bulgarian music. I went there with Mark, and Mark's sister Shawn. We got a little crazy with the camera and here are the results!
I love this picture of Mark wearing my hat!
Mark looks like some kind of secret spy! I just look happy.
Mark is entertaining me with his unique brand of humor.
Reunion after a month's separation. Do we look happy?
Okay, things got a little out of hand. After a few too many beers, we started having way too much fun with the camera!
That trip to Tierra Del Fuego seems to have taken its toll on Mark!
I love this picture of Mark wearing my hat!
Mark looks like some kind of secret spy! I just look happy.
Mark is entertaining me with his unique brand of humor.
Reunion after a month's separation. Do we look happy?
Okay, things got a little out of hand. After a few too many beers, we started having way too much fun with the camera!
That trip to Tierra Del Fuego seems to have taken its toll on Mark!
10.08.2004
I'm NOT sick! I'm NOT sick! I refuse! Okay, so I feel like shit right now, but I am NOT sick! Drinking lots of water, and sleeping. I'm going to kick it in the ass!
Anyways, just got back from a fabulous trip to the great city of New York! It was wonderful! I loved it! I want to go back! I was there with Mark, and we had an incredible time! I'll have pictures to post soon!
Tomorrow I have an audition as a jazz vocalist for the one and only Velvet Hammer. Keep your fingers crossed.
Anyways, just got back from a fabulous trip to the great city of New York! It was wonderful! I loved it! I want to go back! I was there with Mark, and we had an incredible time! I'll have pictures to post soon!
Tomorrow I have an audition as a jazz vocalist for the one and only Velvet Hammer. Keep your fingers crossed.
